Dream Shattered

Situation 1

Yesterday sucked so badly.
My obnoxious uncle from my mum's side came to take stuff from us,
thought he'll just take and get the hell out of my house, but he stayed to mock me instead.

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Uncle : Taken your results already?

Me : Nope, 18th June only will know.

Uncle : Huh, so late? What courses you'll be taking then? What's your first choice?

Me : Zoology at UKM, Conservation Biology at UMS...

Uncle : Har?! Sabah Sarawak ah?! The government sure throw you to that place one!! Sure I tell you! Sarawak uni not good one I tell you! Many Chinese people don't want to go there! The gov sure throw you there!

Me : It's Sabah uni, not Sarawak. I checked in the net saying the uni's quite good...

Uncle : (Ignored me while I was still talking and looked at my mum) You see, Ah Wai got UM! He's so lucky I tell you! Some more near our house as well! No need stay there with the Malays. He got his first choice eh! So lucky la my son!

Mum : Yalo, yalo ur son so lucky la. How he apply one? So easily get...

Uncle : What course Ah Girl listed?

(And I repeated myself...)

Uncle : You see! Why put Sabah uni in second choice?? The gov sure throw you to Sabah!! You'll see! Later you get result you'll know. (Getting ready to leave.)

(Elder brother dashed out.)

Bro : Zoology?!! What?! Girl why take zoology?! You'll be crying for sure if you get it. Do you know what's zoology course all about?? Have you ever check in Google and define "zoology"?
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I sulked so badly that I couldn't hide it in front of everyone and that idiot when home laughing and talking out loud saying how lucky his son is.

My elder brother doesn't know anything about my university choices at all.
But I felt like, I want him to know, but I don't want him to really know.
I think I want him to acknowledge me instead of criticizing me...
Not in front of everyone. Not in front of my uncle.

Situation 2

I was desperate to take my dogs to the vet, especially Lessie (beige one) but uncle came and interfered and "made my day".
Coz before this, Lessie got into an incident whereby she hurt herself on her foot and got really, really bloody.
Couldn't stop the bleeding. Bloody mess.
After dressing up her wounds, the vet also checked her pulse and found out it wasn't normal...
And she went all yapping that Lessie might have heartworm disease, so gotta do body check up, X-rays, blood test, etc. etc.
If there's nothing done about my dog, we'll have to be prepared. Yada yada.
In the end, it's all about $$$.
Everyone got so stressed up with what the vet said and even ended up having fights in my family.
Fuck that bitch. Messed up the harmony of mine.

So back to after my uncle left, we took both sisters to the vet and found out Lessie is having chronic heart failure. An old dog's disease.
My heart hurts like hell dammit.
No more running. No more too happy moments.
Forever on medicine and special diet. RM300++ monthly.
Basically, it's like an old lady susceptible to getting stroke.
I thought to myself, and all along I'm slowly killing her! We're all slowly killing her!

Situation 3

I spent time thinking about my life.
What do I really love doing?
Well, I love drawing, baking, maths, surfing, music, animes...
What job could I do? I'm not completely good in any of these hobbies.
But one thing I know for sure is that,
I LOVE DOGS AND CATS VERY MUCH.
Animal husbandry, animal cops, vets, pet shops, pet hotels, volunteers, pet pharmacy?
Only veterinary is slowly developing in this hopeless country.
The only job that's decent and that I can continue on if it takes me, 20, 30, or even 40 years.
I thought about what my brother have said, "If you want to be a vet, just study in private uni. There's no standard in public unis. Better still if it's overseas."
.........
Money?
Mum.
I don't think she has enough to support me. It's not a small amount tho.
She's the sole breadwinner in the house.
Furthermore, her income isn't constant every month and it's getting worse day by day.
If I'm going private or overseas, my parents gotta eat porridge and porridge alone and possibly they'll give both sisters away.
Cheap local uni.
UPM.
My CGPA sucked. =_=
Ping Shin said we could go for diploma route to get in vet course other than STPM.
Surfed UPM.
Hands-on experiments....
Lab work.
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=372609696900

............................
Everything seems so fake.
All of a sudden, it's all gone.
This one night.
I don't have what it takes.
My dream of becoming a vet shattered.